The Admissions Committee has completed its review of your application. I am very sorry to tell you that you were not admitted to the MIT Class of 2021.
And that’s all you need to know.
Actually, no, that’s not all you need to know.
In a way, I actually become unencumbered by a decision letter. In another way, I become more of a normal, rational person. But in another way, I just feel more screwed over by everything and myself.
I screwed myself over. I fell in love with something far away, because it was “cool” and “exciting” – and then grew to hate it for what it was worth.
Let’s take a look at the insane political correctness of this “letter.” In reality it is just a big database of Boolean values, and if the accept value is true then you get the accept.html and if it’s false then you get the reject.html.
Please understand that this is in no way a judgment of you as a student or as a person…
Yeah, sorry for making everything look personal. I’m the drama king of the internet.
…, since our decision has more to do with the applicant pool than anything else—
Yeah, I know, they’re better than me. They’re people who actually did pretty good things.
—many of our applicants are not offered admission simply because we don’t have enough space in our entering class.
Well, does the United States have room for everyone?! No, that’s why they have an immigration policy. I got rejected because I wasn’t good enough, and there were a bunch of people better and more successful than me who are obviously going for better things in life. Just make it blunt, thank you very much. It’s population control. I’m just one out of 7 billion humans “striving to make the world a better place to live.” The mission deviates a little but it doesn’t really change much from there. So by claiming this noble mission on paper, I just normalize myself as a value.
This year we had over 20,000 candidates for fewer than 1,500 offers of admission, from which will come our 1,100 freshmen.
“Hey, I don’t like working in a super duper prestigious institution where admissions decisions are super duper tough! Sorry!!”
Since all of our decisions are made at one time and all available spaces have been committed, all decisions are final.
malloc_but_with_a_heap(&applicant, sizeof(applicant), howGoodWeThinkYouAre); /* throws TooBadSoSadException when memory is full */
We truly appreciate your interest in MIT, and wish you the best in all of your future endeavors.
Yeah, okay, it’s not the end of the world. It’s really “just the beginning.” But nothing has changed. In fact I’ll keep being the antisocial jerk that I’ve always been, and I’ll keep being shy and cynical to my family, and my dad will still fail to find any problem in me. He refuses to take me to the orthodontist, despite being unable to touch frontal teeth on bite, because he doesn’t want to pay for my braces because I don’t have dental insurance. He refuses to take me to a psychologist because the logistics are admittedly difficult – I’d had to go all the way to the office after school, against the flow of traffic during peak period, then come back after an hour, enduring traffic that is so terrible that my mother stays at work until 7 pm waiting for it to subside.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to work on the zero-gravity soccer game, I’m burned out from it; I’m reluctant to start on SteamSteps because I don’t think Valve will let me go over the 100k request limit (which I need to crawl everything in a reasonable time); I don’t even want to think about my homework anymore.
You know that little stylistic rainbow at the top of their admissions page? It used to mean how open and creative they were to new ideas and new people. It doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. It’s just a little symbol of elitism now. They have money to make themselves look this way to people, and to scoop money from investors and companies who just want to throw money at something they know will always improve society, so they chunk their money to MIT because they know well good things come out of there all the time.
That is to say, I don’t give a crap anymore. I don’t give a crap about what the other colleges have to say anymore. They will all reject me, and that’s a given. The only reason I’m going to UT is because I am legally entitled to go there. Oh wow, I sound like a millennial don’t I, acting entitled to having things? “Oh you special snowflake come here for a little award! you tried! have a little trophy, everyone wins something!” And if I don’t sound like a millennial, then I sound like some alpha male. I don’t want to be an alpha male. I don’t even think I can take on the role of a man anyway. What a burden this big package is, it pressurizes me (yes, that’s supposed to be the verb “pressurize” not “pressure”) into a balloon about to pop. I don’t have a relationship. I don’t have any sort of person of the opposite gender I can take these hormones out on. So they stay inside of me, a sort of potential energy.
This is what the status quo is. Everyone got rejected – which is my outcome #3. Why, did you think a miracle was going to happen? No of course not. I won my own bet, and I don’t win anything. What, did you expect me to win anything?
No this doesn’t have anything to do with MIT anymore. It has to do with my inferiority complex and what led me to acting like I don’t deserve anything in life, restraining myself in moments that are intended to be happy, and not completing my projects. Forget the big-name colleges, what do they care about why I didn’t accomplish something. What do kids like C. Huang (BFDI, now a college sophomore at Stanford) et al think about kids like me? Nothing, because they are too busy being productive and accomplishing meaningful things in their lives, along with making cool Flash animations people actually enjoy and praise. People look up to kids like him. Do people look up to me? No. That is the real metric of progress. People don’t look up to me for anything, except maybe that I’ll be better than them someday.
And to people who expected a big tirade on life, the universe and everything in between, sorry for not delivering well enough, with this 1,752-word piece of crap kind of a blog post. Yeah, I’m still Catholic and I still pray. But my carelessness about anything “better” than the status quo is now confirmed. I’m set to lose all of the competitions and throw away the next three months of my life in the trash knowing that I don’t have time to do anything except drill through school and pass exams and that’s it. Yeah, this really made my spring break didn’t it.
As long as I don’t look visibly upset as I mope around the house and around campus knowing how much of a reject I feel and the aspirations I sought so dearly, I won’t be expecting any type of “corrective action” from my parents, because doing so would be deviating from the status quo.
I don’t want to keep waiting all my life, praying until “something good happens.” That’s what my mother wants me to do and it doesn’t work. You want something to happen, make it happen yourself. “Pray, hope, and don’t worry” but after you have exhausted your own opportunities of action.
I don’t even know why I have Yoast SEO installed. I guess SEO is important for outreach right? Except it tells me “readability: needs improvement” almost every single time and I don’t even bother adding a focus word anymore, which you need to activate the SEO features.
And if you’re a first time reader, why don’t you read all of the previous posts? Yeah, all of them, before you go in and fight back and call me salty and that I need to git gud. Not like you want to lash out, because I’ll immediately concede and slap myself over the internet, and then throw you in my spam folder when you start harassing me. (Sorry, I couldn’t capitalize the “i” over there because the cat has her head on my right wrist right now.) And if you think this is worth sharing on Reddit, think again before you make my server explode and someone ends up hacking it and deleting all my crap. There was more to this paragraph but I was suddenly and inexplicably logged out of WordPress, and it was lost.
I feel powerless, almost even defrauded. Why do people put all this pressure on me so that they can just get disappointed when I get rejected from everything?
My parents will be home soon. I ought to finish this post before they arrive and interrupt my train of thought (if I even had one in the first place).
There is nothing I can do anymore. I hate College Confidential; they make everything look like a breeze. I hate bureaucracy, because it amplifies uncertainty. What else can I hate? Life? No, I can’t hate life. I can’t hate myself anymore; even that power has been conceded from me because I have already tried to do so.
“Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” I’m not doing anything right now and I don’t want to anymore. If I wasn’t shy then, I am now. I don’t want to tell anyone what is going on with me or what colleges think of me, because then their perception of me will shatter and I will be nothing to them. Nothing. I will not have friends anymore. The friends I make in college will be just the same. They’ll have their circles and I’ll just be a member of them. I don’t lead any social circles, hmm I wonder why because I spend so much time on the computer, hmm I wonder why because I don’t have any good friends, hmm I wonder why maybe school is too small? people don’t offer me opportunities to join them in their awesome adventures?
I’m all out of moves. I’m exhausted. And it’s not even the end.