The second hackathon

Actually, there is no second hackathon, because my friend forgot it was today, so I have no team to go with, and thus pointless to go to a hackathon with no team. Last time, I solo queued (i.e. went without a team) and the resulting team was absolutely terrible and useless. None of them had any idea of what I was doing. They probably just had some little Python experience and wanted to make a little tiny “choose-your-own-adventure” (okay, why do they call it a choose-your-own-adventure if the adventure has already been hardcoded into the program?! There are only a few paths to “victory” in such a game, and they all require choosing a predetermined adventure) and nothing more. Just like any amateur coder with nothing but 6 months of programming experience, they are unwilling to adopt anything but the most basic procedural design, even if that means a huge string of if-else statements.

Essentially, I don’t want to go to a hackathon that the organizers spent time, effort, and good money for to make it free, because I have an ego problem because I think that I am a better and cleaner programmer than anyone else I have physically met, and as such will never get along with anyone I meet in the hackathon, ever.

I wish I could collect useful input from other potential programmers, but how am I supposed to do that when they just look at me blankly and expect me to do everything else? There is no thinking involved on their part. If they could only just bother to look at my code and find mistakes I didn’t catch, instead of idly moping around merely bolstering the I-am-the-code-master self-impression, they could actually be helpful people and “fun” to collaborate with.

Computer science isn’t just about algorithms. It’s about good design, too. Stop throwing pointers and casting void pointers all over the place and adding yet more code to “the blob” of your own creation.

Maybe I’m just too competitive for my own good or for the good of others.

My ideas aren’t accepted by people as old as me, because they appear too ambitious or don’t know how to help me in my quest to bring such an idea to fruition.

My ideas aren’t accepted by people older than me, because they have all the time in the world on the Internet to observe that they are inherently flawed in some fundamental way, or that I’m too young or that I have no experience on the subject and don’t know what I’m messing with and that I need to order books X, Y, and Z from Amazon and read them to the letter and take notes on the material and quiz myself on it or whatever.

My ideas aren’t accepted by my parents, because they have absolutely no idea who can guide me to fulfilling them.

My ideas aren’t accepted by my friends, because they are not trustworthy, not there when I need them, or because they, too, have no idea how to help me fulfill my ideas.

Hence why the status quo is, and always will be, to sit in front of the computer, waiting and rotting for something to happen, because it never will.

None of that motivational stuff applies to 17-year old kids who just graduated from high school and are moving in to college, and it’s already August. They say “just do it.” Really? I don’t have ultimate control over how I live my life. I can’t suddenly designate my garage as a tool shed. I don’t have strong, reliable arms for construction of physical parts. I only have the power to do things through a desktop computer, because a computer takes commands and doesn’t laugh at me if I say something wrong, or interrogate my logic if I fail to express my rationale or reasoning correctly. It just lets me do whatever the heck I want.

Real life? No. You have physical limits. You can get cut, scratched, and injured permanently if you do something wrong. Your reputation and relationships with others are always at stake. You don’t have all of the money in the world to do something. Learning how something works involves taking it apart, sometimes irreversibly, with no guarantee that you will be able to put it back together.

In real life, things hurt. It hurts when your friends neglect you and abandon you, it hurts when you bite on a bone that snuck into the meat that was already difficult to chew with your misaligned teeth, it hurts when your foot gets infected by a complication of athlete’s foot. Everything hurts. Jesus was hurt until his death.

How exactly am I supposed to I enjoy a life where everything hurts me, and I unintentionally hurt everyone around me?

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