After destroying everything in the rants category, I have mostly ceased publicly writing about my personal life on my blog. However, I am compelled to write about an important milestone that took me three years to reach.
For an extremely long time, I was envious of others’ ability to express intimate love to others, whereas I had few friends to even discuss ordinary matters with. In short, I acted like a robot, working tirelessly day and night, and I convinced myself that I was indeed one.
Last year, I underwent an extremely painful period of falling in love with a girl who was already in a stable relationship. Thankfully, she understood, and I was able to cultivate a friendship that remains strong to this day (although partly due to a delusion early on that there was another chance).
But something magical has happened in the past week – truly a work of God. I took interest in a girl at the beginning of a weeklong retreat, and remained interested in her despite only seeing her only a few times daily. An intelligent and introverted girl who had been spending her time drawing instead of socializing, I knew that I found what I was looking for.
By the conclusion of the retreat, various people had already deduced that I was going after her and she was avoiding me in response. (While I respectfully gave her ample distance, I looked at her one too many times; I suppose that’s what gave it away.) At our last talk, however, she said she was happy to “hang out” later, and we exchanged phone numbers.
I am finally entering unexplored territory. I do not know what lies ahead, but there will be a challenge of a type I have never experienced before; a challenge fitting for a robot like me.